He interrupted gently.

“I told you. I was under pressure, and under pressure very few people can make calm, rational decisions—unless they have practiced enough beforehand to make the right decisions instinctively.”

I wanted to ask him about Sina and about my situation. If someone in my position came to him, what would he advise them?

For a moment I thought about disguising my question as a problem belonging to one of my friends.

But that would have been a childish trick.

Every day that passed made the decision harder.

In the mornings, when I went to work, I saw Matin getting ready to leave, saying goodbye to me in a way that clearly came from affection before going to work.

I spent the day with Ezi and felt that I loved him even more than his father did.

All day, wherever I went in the house, I felt Matin watching me through the cameras.

And the kinder he was to me, the more uncomfortable I became.

I had no solid reason, but I didn’t want him as my husband.

It wasn’t something I could control.

I would have preferred him always to be my boss or a colleague, but nothing more.

Whenever he looked at me with those light blue eyes, with all the feeling he had, I wanted to cover myself more.

He wasn’t a bad man.

He didn’t deserve to be hurt.

At least he had done nothing wrong to me.

Every afternoon on my way home, I prayed that by some accident I would see Sina.

The three-month period I had given myself was running out, and nothing had changed in my feelings toward Matin except that I had developed more respect for him.

Once I asked him, “What do you like about me?”

He said, “You have a special energy and vitality. Despite having been through your share of bitter and sweet experiences, you’re still hopeful. I like your struggles. You have the potential to make a man very happy.”

I replayed those conversations in my mind again and again and became more frustrated.

One night, one of those nights when reason and the heart could not agree, I picked up my guitar and played one of the songs I had altered myself.

I was trying to figure out how to settle the matter inside me.

Why wasn’t Sina doing anything? Why wasn’t he calling?

Ever since the last time he had seen Matin’s name on my phone, he had made no further contact with me.

I was looking for an excuse to see him.

Then I remembered how sharply I had spoken to him that night.

Maybe he thought I was involved with someone else, and that was why he had withdrawn so completely.

I didn’t like that thought.

If that was the case, he shouldn’t have given up so easily.

He should have fought a little for me.

I really needed a counselor.

Suddenly I had a strange idea.

Why not make an appointment with Matin’s secretary and go to him as a client?

He himself had once jokingly suggested it.